Wicked Problems

As I ponder the idea of wicked problems, my thoughts of social justice and what I want for those less fortunate or those in dire need remains close to my heart. I have little experience in comprehending the true need of so many in our country and throughout the world.  I feel passionate about my role to help others; however,  on a large scale I have no idea what that is going to look like.

And so, I am forced to bring the idea of wicked problems into my own living area. It is an uncomfortable thought to share with my peers my own "wicked" problems. They seem so trivial in comparison to the hurts and struggles of others. But, in all honesty, they are real and big and sometimes larger than life for me. And then I am reminded of Brene Brown and her TED talks and her shouting vulnerability is a good thing even though we run from it.  In the name of vulnerability and humility, I gulp down the good, the bad, and the ugly.

 Over fifty percent of married couples get divorced. It can have a devastating effect on children and the economic stability of some men but mostly women. Most women of divorce end up in the lower socioeconomic status. This doesn't even begin to cover the emotional carnage left for friends, family and the partners themselves. You make a decision to marry and you believe it is for life. Most don't have a financial and emotional back up plan in place if things go awry.

Divorce. It is an ugly word. One I thought I would never encounter; however, 20+ years of marriage ended and although I am happily divorced, there are many obstacles and yes, wicked problems I have encountered. As a child of divorce, I knew some of the pain my children would endure due to their parents inability to work it out. I said our divorce would be different. We were going to remain friends, we would help each other in times of financial and emotional need, and we would, for the sake of our children, do this right.  After what I considered careful planning and orchestration, the divorce became real.  No matter how well I planned, I couldn't plan for all we would endure.

After five years of being single and reading the Dilemmas in a General Theory of Planning article, I found so much can be applied to our personal lives:  solutions are hard to achieve, there is no trial and error, today's solution may exacerbate tomorrows problem, the problem can be unique to me, and there is no rule that is going to work to resolve every problem. As sensitive and careful as I try to be toward, my children,  my children's father  and other members of the family, financial devastation happens, people are hurt and disappointed, and you cannot determine the reaction or pain of those around you. There is no careful planning to have the perfect outcome.

Regardless, life goes on and you develop a basic road map for your journey, the best you can do at the time, and you also regroup and make another and yet another. Flexibility...the key to survival.  What does that look like in my life?

My father had this saying: "how do you eat a whale?"  "One bite at a time!"  It is my go to when the whales in my life become greater than life itself.  After generally freaking out, this is how I cope with the whales:

*  Break it down in to manageable pieces. What can I do today? What am I unable to do?
*  Talk to two of my closest friends; seek counsel and advice from them.
*  Rely on my faith!
*  Recount past problems and realize answers have come.
*  Remind myself that things generally look worse at the onset.    

Life will always have a rocky path. That will never change. Changing the way we view the path often is the largest obstacle.

Despite the pain my daughters feel over being children of divorce, they get it. Several years ago they gave me this mug. I cherish it.  In spite of their own heartache, they recognize my happiness.

Derailment

After listening to Dr. Gerstenblatt talk about her delayed flight experience and the people she encountered, I have thought all week about my own personal derailments and how I am not often willing to look at them as growth but more as unwanted experiences. I had to ask myself if I was willing to learn and grow from many of the unexpected events in my life,   would I be willing to engage with others in the midst of my frustrations.  I found it quite interesting as she talked about her conversations with people in the airport and the connections that were formed because of a shared experience or a common interest.

Sometimes we have daily derailments and other times we may go weeks without bumps in the road. I have tried to live this week with the intention of being more aware of those minor or major interruptions to my well planned day/week.

This is what I learned  and who I encountered this week from events that occurred that I had not expected and/or planned:

• Waiting to meet the realtor @ my boss's home, I had a chance to talk to the housekeeper at length and learn about her family, her new granddaughter, and her culture.

• Offering to take a friend to the airport @ 5:45 am even though I would have preferred to sleep, gave me the opportunity to hear a message on the radio regarding  trusting ourselves and our circumstances.  A much needed, timely and affirming piece!

• While housesitting for my neighbors, I had an unexpected and not necessarily welcomed interruption by their daughter which gave me insight into the organ donor program she works with.  A fascinating, interesting and rewarding career and one I knew so little about.

I don't necessarily know how these interruptions/derailments will impact me in the future but what I learned is that if I will just stop and breathe and allow those minor and/or major interruptions, that truly annoy me,  to impact me,  then I can grow and gain insight into peoples lives.  I truly desire to be that person who welcomes life's interruptions versus the one who is irritated beyond belief. 

Which also led me to consider how can I apply this to my work at Holly Street and Martin Middle School?  I can have a list of items to accomplish and goals to achieve; however, I have to be sensitive to those around me and their plans.  I need to be flexible and look at the bigger picture and hope I will see the individuals involved and how I can be a conduit for change in their lives or possibly just a listening ear. My motto: Embrace derailment!

I cannot wait to see how this all develops in the work @ Martin Middle School!

Reflection

Spring Break has been a time of reflection for me as I look ahead to the next two months of classes, papers, and tests. A time to assess where I have succeeded and where I am falling short. Unfortunately the "grade" is not always indicative of the learning or knowledge; however, how else does one measure knowledge gained in this world of academia if it isn't through a "grade." 

As a student it can be discouraging to feel you have knowledge and understanding of the material and yet you fall short of the grade required. I loved the article on Reflection and Articulated Learning. During this week of reflection and trying to get caught up and possibly ahead, I found it to be a great source of encouragement not only in our project work but  also in my other classes. I looked at what I have gained in knowledge from my struggles and from my successes and how I could apply this concept of articulated learning into my everyday life.   

What did I learn?  When I am feeling discouraged about the grade in a class and the fact that it is not a reflection of my true knowledge, I can remind myself what I have learned and what is more important.

How specifically did I learn it?  What are my strengths in studying and gaining insight and knowledge? How can I apply service learning to my other courses and is that possible?

Why does this learning matter?  Knowledge is valuable to me and I believe as we learn and grow through our failures and successes, we become more sensitive and aware of those around us. We are wiling, hopefully, to share our lives with others. 

In what ways will I use this learning or what goals shall I set in place with what I have learned in order to improve myself, the quality of my learning or the quality of my future experiences?

I have this hope that through Project and my involvement with Holly Street that I will be a kinder, more sensitive person who is able to listen and try to understand others and their needs.  I am very excited about the opportunity to grow as an individual through my work at Martin Middle School.  I  am also enjoying the attitude to be able to take a risk and jump into the unknown and begin to recognize therein lies the power to succeed. 

Inspiration for Your Day: "If you aren't willing to try everything and make a mistake then you'll never make anything of yourself." - Sir Richard Branson

Risk

Today is International Women's Day and I have included a link from Maria Shriver. It is about women but it applies to all of us.  Let's each live to our potential!

http://mariashriver.com/blog/2013/03/every-woman-is-divine-film-jesse-dylan-maria-shriver-international-womens-day

This week has been one of great reflection in part due to a series of events in my personal life where I have taken and not taken risk. I have had several frustrations/errors in the academic environment  due to my own inabilities and multitasking when I should have been focused.  This reminded me of Dr. Gerstenblatt's comment on Monday about being present in the moment. How often are we disconnected from the moment and when that happens we make mistakes and yes, that can leave us feeling vulnerable. When I want to admit defeat and yet my greater survival instincts check in and says NO FIGHT!

And yes, I still feel vulnerable because my inadequacies are revealed and I have to sit with a professor and say...I feel defeated because I don't understand or I didn't submit something correctly and so that feels painful to have to say I am capable but incapable. And yes, I learn from those painful mistakes and they are lessons that I can vividly remember and grow from.

All of this also led me to then start thinking about Brene Brown's TED talk which if you have not ever heard it, you should or if you have, listen again. I have attached it. The willingness to do something that may or may not turn out. Being vulnerable. Living wholeheartedly. How does this message apply to my life personally, academically and globally. How will I be more vulnerable in my work at Martin Middle School? All I can say is I hope I will be and that my vulnerability will bring the connection that we long for as human beings and lives will be changed for the better.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
 

Relational Learning

Flexibility is characterized by a ready capability to adapt to new, different, or changing requirements.

My friend and I have this saying:  I am flexible except when I am rigid! Am I the only person this rings true for?

Service learning is truly about being flexible and casting our rigidity to the wind. I wonder if you can have a service learning experience without being flexible? I tend to be goal oriented and I love making lists and accomplishing them or working on a project and seeing it come to fruition.  So, the process of beginning a project with Holly Street/Martin Middle School is a true test of my flexibility. First, I have never done an oral history project.  Second, I love learning but I also like having some idea about what I am doing. Third, I feel rather excited that I am part of a groundbreaking team for something this community wants.  Intertwined with all of these unknowns is fear and excitement. 

A mixture of emotions and goals forced me to consider the optimum goal. Yes, the ultimate goal is a completed oral history project.  It is unrealistic to expect that the school will have a completed/finished project by the time this semester is over. But the optimum goal is for this community to have what they want and in order for that to happen, I have to look at my role. My part will consist of being hands, feet, and ears to these people and a voice when they need encouragement or when my opinion is asked. This is not my project but an extension of  
service learning and more importantly relational learning.

If my focus is on building a relationship with this community, I am then able to put aside my own goals of getting something accomplished for class.  I took another look at the article  Shifting Service-Learning From Transactional to Relational.   By making long term relationships with the people of this community a  priority, the experience that I and others have will be far more beneficial.

It is also a huge relief to be in a learning environment where risk is rewarded. This is certainly a risk taking experience for me when it comes to producing a project of community history; however, the weight is not on my shoulders.  I feel confident that between our group from class and the Martin Street Middle School staff, we will not only develop long lasting relationships and partnerships but also within the next two years have helped them produce a variety of completed oral history stories. 

Excitement overrides fear as I spend time with the staff at Martin Middle School. We have a common goal and that alone is enough!