Progress: Derailment, Disappointment & Determination

      Sometimes progress, from the outside view, doesn't look as though it is occurring.  I think that pretty much sums up the Martin Middle School photojournalism project.  Our team has had its own hurdles to jump as we have conflicting schedules and unexpected events, which often interfere. We have all experienced frustration of  trying to coordinate times to gather to work on the project.  Just add the dynamics of a school to that - rules, regulations, testing, and miscommunication among the staff.

      BUT, today was the day that we were going to meet with the kids, get their cameras, and talk about the pictures they took.  The best laid plans of men, or in this case, women!  We arrived at the school anticipating a wonderful day!   We knew going in that our regular contact person was out, but had made arrangements for us to meet the academic advisor.  We checked in and headed to the library to meet her and the kids.  We sat and sat.  Finally, after 45 minutes, she arrived and we chatted about our needs/plans with the kids.  The kids came in....no cameras..well, one young man had remembered his cameras.  The other girls had not received the cameras and two of the other kids had left theirs at home.

      So, derailment followed by discouragement followed by despair.  Not really, but it could have been that way.  I dug to the depth of my positive thinking today and reminisced, once again, about how we learn the most in the difficult things.  As frustrating as it is spending so much time on something that never seems to come to fruition, it isn't a life or death situation.  One would only hope this is the worse thing in life they have to face.

      I am reminded that we desire to produce a piece of work for the school and to have something for them; however, it is quite possible that won't happen.  What will happen though is five women will learn more about themselves, developing a project, working with others and the challenging experiences we encountered.  What has struck me over the past few months has been the disjointed and disconnected communication.  It is interesting how you can develop relationships with people in a community and yet when the players change, often you have to go back to the beginning.  I fee this has been a significant challenge in our semester at Martin.  The players have changed and we move forward rebuilding and gaining ground.  What will that look like in terms of a photojournalism project? I am unsure.  For me, it is a reminder that we can plan but we have to be sensitive to remind ourselves that we are not in control.

   

      The most difficult part of today was not about the kids not remembering to bring their cameras; it was about one camera we had to give and two girls who needed cameras.  Trying to make that decision was excruciating.  The teacher finally chose a number and one of the girls walked away with a camera.  Truly, it broke my heart.  We will bring her a camera on Monday but it made me think about exclusion and how it happens in the most subtle ways.  And then it happens in bigger ways and impacts the lives of children, families, and neighborhoods. We fight for the rights of others, battling against oppression and then in an instant, you can become the oppressor.  It is really scary when you consider how easily this can happen.  Lessons learned.

Project: Bumps in the Road

      After months of developing relationships, making phone calls and writing emails, it appeared that we were finally experiencing a breakthrough with continuing the oral history/photo journalism project.  I could hardly believe it. All of the work and hope we had put into this oral history/photojournalism project and it was finally happening!  So much excitement~

      Kasey, Alex, and I spent our class time preparing the cameras and a scavenger hunt for the kids.  We wanted to provide direction for them as they took pictures but also make it fun.  It needed to appear less like homework and something exciting that they would want to be involved in.  With that complete, we were ready to meet the kids.  Materials prepared, packed and ready to go, it was time to meet the kids.

      Martin Middle School is probably not unique and may possibly be like most middle schools; however, upon arriving, it can at times feel more like entering a prison.  Gaining access to the kids, easier said than done.  Every door is locked and tightly secure.  You ring the bell, explain to the secretary why you are there and who you want to see.  So different from my experience as a child and as a mother.  Upon entering, the school has this sweet spirit and yet, police presence, chaos in the halls, laughter, pushing, and teachers talking loudly over the noise of children's chatter.

      Meeting with the kids: some of them are excited, inquisitive and curious about the project.  They are eager to get started and then there are those that well, quite frankly, are not that interested. We give them options to do the project or decline.  It doesn't  work to have kids doing something that doesn't interest them.  For those who stayed, out of 20 kids, we ended up with around seven to ten.  A few were on the fence but took the cameras and said they would think about it.  For those who remained, tons of questions, discussion on what they were going to take pictures of, and this enthusiasm to be a part of something that lasts.  It was encouraging and hopefully their excitement will be contagious!

     As I left the school that day, I thought about the next two years.  I will be in grad school somewhere and I can only hope that others will come along through PROJECT and the Longhorn Center for Community Engagement to work with these kids, to be a part of their lives, and to model longevity, sustainability, and commitment.  

     This is where each individual can do their part and hopefully inspire others to do what they can, to make a difference in the lives of a community, in particular, the children.  We have no idea when we begin something the impact that it can have on others.  I hope this will be a project that will impact these kids lives in the years to come.  What starts here truly can change the world......

   

Gentrification: Across the Globe, Austin and the UT Community

      Seeing the communities of Mueller, Holly and Marlo Heights in person, you can see the similarities, differences, and possibly what is in store for the future.  The three communities share rebuilding, growth and positive and negative change.  It is, in many ways, ones perspective.  For me, Mueller seemed so sterile and boring.  Everything looks the same, so perfect, unlike who we are as individuals, unique and wonderful.  Supposedly an affordable community, but you have to wonder if it is affordable for the people who are former residents.  Affordable is a relative term.  Is the average cost of housing in Mueller affordable to everyone?  Certainly not.

      From all appearances, it would seem that Marlo Heights is undergoing changes but maybe in a less obtrusive way.  The new housing is apparent and seems to blend in and not stand out as much as Mueller; however, it is still happening.  Change, regardless of how you view it, is occurring.

      Holly Street appears to be in the early stages of gentrification.  The new homes are large and most of them don't fit in with the older architecture.  The massive home size is offensive and overbearing.  The average price of a home in the Holly Neighborhood in 2010 was $192,000.00.  The new homes in Holly today are selling for upwards of $300,000. - $400,000.00.  It is hard to imagine the current residents will be able pay the taxes as their home values increase.

     With the exception of Mueller, the neighborhoods are in a food desert.  The convenience and affordability of healthy options are scarce.  In reality, there are minimal options for grocery shopping.  As we see new development, will it include accessible, affordable food options for those individuals who are on a fixed or limited income.

      Looking across the globe, the community in Johannesburg appears to be thriving and you see growth, development, affordable housing, and yet, as the author says the area is being gentrified but shows drastically different versions of "normal" coexisting within blocks of each other.  Therein, I believe, is the greater problem.  How do we clean up crime, beautify an area, provide adequate housing that is affordable to an already struggling people, and not isolate ourselves from others?

     I believe the University of Texas can have an impact in these communities.  The first step, as we know, is relationship building.  We have an opportunity to get into the minds and hearts of Holly, Marlo, and Colony Park.  Talk to the residents, show an interest in their well-being, ask questions, listen to their answers, show concern, and be flexible.  As relationships are built and understanding on both parts is evident, then we can have a positive impact.

     The involvement of the university can go beyond that.  We have a group of bright, diverse students within the walls of UT.  Send them into the schools to mentor, to show others what can be achieved, let them use their interests to train and equip others and let them be a role model for children and adults.  Help them grow gardens, provide transportation, and be the hands and feet they need to have their world, as they describe needs, blossom.   We also have a great resource with the Conflict Mediation Center.  Use them as facilitators as developers and community leaders sit down to articulate the differences in needs, wants and desires.

     PROJECT 2014 has a great opportunity ahead to help the neighborhood. We can demonstrate who we are through clean-up, beautifying and getting to know the but mainly through listening to what they see as needs.  Let's take this opportunity to show them we care and are concerned about them!  I am convinced we can have a sustainable program by working along side Holly Street residents.   Because what starts here really can change the world....



 

Gentrification

       Gentrification....a touchy subject, a controversial topic, progression or regression. It all boils down to your viewpoints and philosophy and money!  As uncomfortable as it may be to pull back the layers and take a peek, it is necessary.  It is something that is taking place, not just in Austin, but all over the United States.

       It sounds marvelous when you first look at gentrification.  How can you argue with cleaning up a neighborhood, eliminating crime and bring an influx of new inhabitants.  It sounds perfectly palatable and desirable.  For those who have called the neighborhood home, it is not that simple.  It fact, it is far more complex.  As we look deeper into the meaning and impact of gentrification, we have to be willing to discuss the uncomfortable aspects.  Not everyone wins with gentrification.

     More often than not it is the current residents and especially the renters who are most affected by the cleaning up of a neighborhood.  All of a sudden, prices are skyrocketing and tenants are forced to leave the comfort of their environment and quite often, move to the suburbs.  Austin has a large population of renters and quite frankly, this attempt to revitalize the hoods, often leads to unaffordable housing for students, young professionals, and already struggling families.

     We have to address the problems encountered by the elderly as they are forced from their lifelong homes and neighborhoods.  No longer having affordable housing in their lifelong neighborhood,  they are removed to the suburbs or other areas.  These areas are often prohibitive to the life of an elder person.  All of a sudden they find themselves without easy access to grocery stores and other crucial staples to maintain their lives.

      Developers. Are they evil or just unaware?  I am sure both holds true in the area of gentrification. Greed can be a driving force in the topic of gentrification.  A developer can see a wonderful opportunity to clean up a neighborhood yet not consider the entire impact on the families who have called that house or neighborhood home.  In the interest of ignorance, we can say they are truly unaware of the problems they are creating; however, some do not care.  When asked what will happen to current residents, many developers say, I don't know.  You have to wonder if they really care.

     It is so important for developers to  consider, just as we consider the communities we work with and their needs, what is best for a community and how to provide a clean, safe, and crime free environment without jeopardizing the needs of the residents.  It is essential for developers and community to work hand in hand as they create living spaces and beautification of neighborhoods.

We can each take what we know about gentrification - the beauty and the beast - share with others and help them understand the complexities.

   

 

The Conceptual Map

     In the book,  Beginner's Guide to Community-Based Arts,  the CRAFT model is thought of as a conceptual map.  It appears that following the map will hopefully get you to your final destination and one would hope that you don't have too many detours along the way.  I see this project as a journey and although I have had a couple of detours,  what some might consider road closures, I am thrilled with  the learning process.

The CRAFT model:

CONTACT:    I started this process last semester as I engaged in forming relationships with staff and faculty at Martin Middle School.  By the end of the spring semester I felt connected and hopeful we were all on the same page.  It had been worth the endeavor and extra time to earn the trust of the people at Martin.  I was looking forward to starting the oral history project for Martin this fall.  Needless to say, I had no idea that two key staff members were about to exit and contact would need to be established again.  It is yet to be proven if those replacements will desire an oral history project for Martin.  I am hopeful they will; however, it is quite possible that they see the needs for the school differently.  So, I guess this is a temporary detour along the path!  Life..it doesn't always go as planned....minor derailments often occur! It is important to not get discouraged and realize, once again, this is about the relationships and the needs of the school...not me!

RESEARCH:  This is where we are with our project today.  The amount of behind the scenes work that goes into developing an oral history or photo journalism project.  Do we understand what photo journalism and oral history look like?  We can gain knowledge about these types of project by researching what they are, what they look like, and where to go for help.  Our team is currently trying to watch other oral history projects, developing questions for our contacts, and gathering information on photojournalism.  We have to continue to search for information on the community and the school so we understand the history of Holly Street and Martin.

ACTION:  We are not here yet.  Hopefully we will have a portion of an oral history or photojournalism project ready for the school.  The goal is to have something that benefits the people of Martin and Holly Street.

FEEDBACK:  A necessary component of any work or project.  I look forward to having something developed for the school that they can be excited about and spread the word about the project and the history of their school.

TEACHING:  Sustainability. I hope this project will continue to spark passion and excitement from the students, families and staff at Martin.  Equally important, I hope the students that continue to be involved in global project will want to be involved and continue to support Martin Middle School in their desire for an oral history.

I am looking forward to this journey and thankful for the CRAFT map!

Understanding our Communities

       As we look at the communities in our project group, it is difficult at times to understand how we can  truly help them.  We can see a common thread in the communities of Marlo Heights, Colony Park, and Holly Street. Each community has a low median income of the mid to upper $20,000.00 as compared to Austin's median income, which is $55,000.00.  The three communities lack parks, grocery stores, and more importantly their voices to be heard.

      Looking at Colony Park, we see a great need for their voice to be heard within Austin's city government and with the community of service through the University of Texas.  According to the data we have, Colony Park was not asked what they felt their greatest needs were and also if they were, their voices were not acknowledged.  They are faced with a community center that is currently unusable and also the prospect of being labeled a low income housing community.  The residents of this community long to be heard and have a community that is thriving, family oriented and offering a safe place to live.  Battling the city against a low income housing project is not an easy war to fight.

     We see the impact the paper plant had on the residents of Holly Street and their inability to win the battle with trash and rodents.  Holly Street like Colony Park and Marlo Heights is facing growing pains.  Individuals are coming in and buying homes, fixing them up, and/or tearing down and building new.  The residents face higher tax rates and the grief over the loss of a neighborhood as they once new it.

     The residents of Marlo Heights struggle to have a voice.  As we look at the recommendations of the team from UT, we can see the problems this community faces to as they long for safety and a united front.  Each of our communities have struggles. The greatest thing we, as a project development team, can do is to listen, hear their concerns and try to understand the challenges before them.

      Looking at the redevelopment of Mueller, there is definite controversy over the way this redevelopment was  handled.  Communities like Marlo Heights, Colony Park, and Holly Street need to unite and have a voice prior to big development coming in and changing their neighborhoods.

     The food desert is certainly a huge problem for these communities.  We see a great deficit in access to not only healthy foods but also food in general. The lack of access to food, especially for those that don't drive, continues to plague these neighborhoods.  Local and chain grocery stores are not going in to these areas because it does not benefit them.  Residents cannot even walk to the near by grocery because there isn't one.

I am hoping the community of UT and our project development group can have an impact on the lives of these people.  Because what starts here really can change the world.

 

Relationship Learning

I was impacted by the story of Rhodessa Jones.  I love how she stated she wanted to make a difference with her work. I guess for all of us that resonates - we want to make a difference. So often our idea of making a difference is not at all what others need.  We go into community and see what we think is important, what is broken and how we can fix it.  For Rhodessa, she rushed in and started over sharing about her life. In spite of her behavior, the women responded to her and they began to develop a relationship.  Sometimes that isn't always the case. Often we rush in and over step our boundaries and violate trust.  I value this story because it is a reminder to be invited and welcomed into community. By waiting and developing those relationships, which take time, we can truly make a difference.

There is a saying "rules without relationship leads to rebellion."  As we go into a community to assist them, if our agenda is more important than the people and their needs, it can look like we have rules.  Although a community may not rebel, they can certainly withhold the relationship.  I believe it is critical to remind ourselves why we are there and what it is we hope for that community. But more importantly, what do they envision for themselves.  And how can I or others assist in helping them achieve their dreams and goals?   I also feel that building these relationships doesn't occur over night and we can expect resistance until trust is built. The greatest lesson I can remember is that my time frame, my ideas, and my goals are far less important than the people I encounter.  Maybe then I can be the difference!

White Girl Privilege

I consider myself to be sensitive and aware of others, their struggles and culture;  therefore, it is difficult and uncomfortable to look at and often admit there are definite advantages to being white. In spite of some of my own struggles and difficulties, I can only say that I am blessed and full of gratitude for the many opportunities and privileges in my life.

This past week I spent a day at the Early Childhood Intervention Lab.  It made me think about all I take for granted. I don't have a special needs child nor am I afflicted with any kind of  physical or learning disability.  My days have no struggles in comparison to the many who find something as simple as getting dressed a challenge.  And so it is with being a white female, I take a lot for granted.

• I can walk into any neighborhood, night or day, and nobody questions my motives for being there
• I have favor with the valet guy, the waiter, the bartender, the coffee shop attendant
• Moving to Austin, nobody questioned my ability to live where I was looking
• I can be in an upscale store and no one judges my ability to purchase any item
• I can be in relationships with only white men and women
• I can assume I will never have a person of another race as a supervisor
• My workplace is predominantly white
• My social circle allows me introductions to other privileged white people
• Strangers assume the best not the worst
• I can sit alone in a restaurant, bar or coffee shop and not be questioned about my motives
• Not having to learn a new language to communicate with my peers
• Policemen always assume I have auto insurance
• The majority of my friends have white girl privileges
• I am not accused of dressing to make a statement about my culture or ethnicity
• If I complain about how I am treated,  I don't get accused of playing the race card

These are just a few of the many advantages and there are so many that I overlook and forget.  I can only hope that I will treat others with respect and dignity regardless of race, culture, SES and skin color. 

My Culture

Individuals...we are multifaceted and many parts make a whole.  Part of my being is female. This consists of daughter, sister, friend and mother.  All are important and have helped mold me into the person I am today. My experience varies in each of those relationships; however, it is through  the challenges, acceptance and love of others that we become who we are.




Not only being female but being a white female, fortunately or unfortunately, has an advantage in our society. Unfortunately being a divorced, white female has another set of challenges economically and socially. I am keenly more aware of this through aging, experience and studies.  I am grateful yet saddened that we live in a world where we truly do not treat others with equality.  One can only hope that each individual fighting for what is good for everyone will eventually make a difference in the wage discrimination between women and men and also in the way we treat those who have different cultures, beliefs and ethnicities than our own.

Being outdoors, you learn so much about yourself, others and the beauty around you. If a person can be an athlete at my age, then yes, I am an athlete. Running brings me into a place of peace and stress reduction; it can be done with a community or alone.  I also love tennis; it is relational, competitive and also a place of release from the stressors of life.  The love of running and tennis provides relationships and exposure to others that I might not otherwise have.

My faith is the foundation of who I am. It drives me to have more gratitude, compassion,  empathy and  love for others and self.  It is the glue that keeps me together when situations can appear as hopeless, painful, and often times impossible.  It is a place of grace and mercy and love for others regardless of our differences.  I believe it is the backbone of my desire to see positive changes for others through community service.  Quite often I am the one who reaps more than I sow.





Reading has been an integral part of my life for as long as I can remember.  It is another dimension of who I am and who I am becoming: a culture of readers.  It opens up a world to your imagination, exposure to other ways, ideas and cultures.  It is a tool to stepping outside of egocentric thinking and remaining open and responsive to new attitudes, ideas and beliefs that differ from your own. I belong to a book club and it is a culture of women who share diverse ideas and philosophies on life. We share this common love of reading and learning from others.

Being stretched and challenged is a component of who I am as a student.  The environment and diverse culture of the University of Texas allows me to encounter those of like mind and those whose opinions vary greatly. It is place to learn respect for a community of students who have their own unique culture and who add vast knowledge to my limited and unlimited experiences.

Global Project Development

About Me:

• I moved to Austin from the Dallas/Fort Worth area two years ago to attend UT. I love the university and my life in Austin.
• I am a psychology major, graduating in December and currently applying to grad schools for Social Work.
• I enjoy running, cooking, nutrition, reading, college sports, tennis and hanging out with friends. 
• You can find me every morning @ Lady Bird Lake either running or walking.
• I love to laugh and enjoy people with a great sense of humor!
• I have three amazing, talented daughters who keep me laughing, challenged and inspired.

This Class:

• I am passionate about community service and love the concept of service learning.
• Prior to moving to Austin I served on a service sorority and raised monies for high school seniors to go to college.  It was rewarding and eye opening. 

• I am looking forward to another semester of working on the oral history project @ Martin Middle School. 
• I am excited about  being a part of PROJECT 2014 and UT's day of service in the Holly Street Community.
• I hope to gain more knowledge about serving others and all that entails.
• I love learning and believe there is so much to gain from others experiences and knowledge.

Vulnerability

Before we started our projects, I had heard of Brene Brown; however, since seeing her TED talk in class, she has become my hero and motivator.  I loved her talk on vulnerability.  As I sat in class for presentations, I realized that each person was demonstrating vulnerability. By sharing our expectations, successes, goals, challenges and what some might consider failures, each of us opened ourselves up by being real.

I enjoyed so many of the presentations. It is exciting to hear and see how each person had grown and struggled with some aspect of their individual project or being a lead or integral part of PROJECT 2013.   I have to say that Jabez rocked it! It was so incredibly real and funny and such a depiction of how I have felt so often during this semester.  Juan also forced me to think about children and the impact of being encouraged to go to college and yet not providing the resources for those families to understand what a certain goal like that means.  We instill an idea and yet provide no hope for the goal to be achieved.

As I go forward desiring a life of service to those in need, I cannot imagine the impact this course is going to continue to have on my life.  Being a small part of Project 2013 and my involvement with Martin Middle School has enlightened me regarding community service.  Understanding the importance of not only recognizing a need but also allowing those who are in need to have the greater voice. I have gained so much from my readings and the teaching that has taken place. From Wasteland to Wicked Problems, I am not sure I will view relationships or community service the same way. 

Needless to say, the encouragement to take risks in this class was huge in helping me be able to let go of my agenda with Martin Middle School. I have found it also gave me courage to be more of a risk taker in my other classes.  My hope is that individually we will continue to be risk takers as we step out into different communities. Some of us will be moving on and not be a part of PROJECT 2014 but for others, we will remain and continue our work in Holly Street. I am excited to see what will take place there. I have loved this class far more than I ever imagined and I will miss Paula and all the tools and encouragement she brought to each of us.  I look forward to being an instrument of change and I am sure each of my classmates do also.  

Serendipity

I had the privilege to be a part of Martin Middle School's inaugural story night.  This is an event that Carmen Williams, Martin's librarian, has wanted to do for quite some time. Finally, her dream came to fruition. It was exciting to see her plans and dreams unfold to a night of success.

I have difficulty describing the sweetness that permeates the environment at Martin. It is something I think you have to breathe in and allow it to envelop your being. I wish I could capture the emotions and find the words to describe how I feel when I am there. Tonight was no different. Families love their school and neighborhood. The staff and teachers love the students and their families and want them to be successful.  Martin is a place that speaks encouragement and understanding to the the obstacles that the majority of their student's face.  It speaks hope and resilience to fragility and weariness.

Watching Carmen was an experience in and off itself. She was, as to be expected, nervous. You have a dream or vision and you can only hope that others will be on board and that participation will confirm the need.   As families entered the building, you sensed this anticipation of something exciting on the horizon.  From infants to teens, the enthusiasm in watching story tellers, making book marks and puppets, and sharing a meal was uncontainable.

For many of us, we take story night for granted. We read stories to our children every day; we lounge in our favorite chair and enjoy the latest bestseller,  and we download our next read on our iPad.  We roam through the library as though it is our home. For the families at Martin, this is not the norm. Many of them have no access to the internet, have no favorite author to follow, and do not have a library card because they lack a  permanent address. Imagine you have no home, books within your home and you don't speak English and yet, you want all that is available for your children.

 Magically, or so it seems, a night like this happens and you have the opportunity to see your children growing in knowledge and love for books.

I  am moved to tears by what I see happening at Martin. It speaks volumes to my spirit as I face the end of another semester.  I am inspired and reminded that this is why I am at the University of Texas.  I have to chuckle as I ponder my luck to be working on an oral history project with Martin. I am their facilitator for oral history and yet, they are my lifeline of confirmation to press on to the goals I have set before me.  My desire is to bring tools to children to be successful in spite of the obstacles. In comparison to what I have already gleaned from Martin,  I can only hope that I will be able to give back as much as I have received.

Serendipity....Meeting Genevieve, a UT student studying library science, who just happened to be at story night because one of her peers volunteers at Martin. Genevieve went to Martin 19 years ago. We had a delightful conversation regarding her experiences and I look forward to further interviews with her as we move through oral history startup and completion,  Another beautiful accident, meeting Polly. Polly worked at Martin and has lived in the Holly Street neighborhood for over forty years.  Excitement is an understatement as I conversed with two women who have a wealth of information regarding this community and school.

Love Learning and Die Trying!

When I made the decision two years ago to pursue my love for learning, get a degree in psychology, pursue grad school and hopefully counsel and teach young men and women, I knew it was going to have its challenges.  I have felt it would all be worth  it.  Little did I know the broad range of obstacles, from technology to test taking.  There have been many near failures coupled with minor and major victories. 

As I sit here, four weeks from finals,  I have to look at my performance.  In my eyes, I have not only  performed well but I have loved the process (at least most of it).  I am looking at my performance in terms of what I have gained and what I have accomplished.  The path is one of joy and the love of learning.  My measuring stick says I still love learning.   And yet, academia requires that I take a breath and look at my score, a number. The numbers are not impressive or astounding. They are not, in my opinion, a reflection of the love of learning or the knowledge I acquired.  Three of my five grades reflect a lack of trying or a lack of understanding or possibly to some that I don't care.  This could not be farther from the truth. The answer...multiple choice testing. It is an evil assessment  for someone like me.  Ask me to write a paper, do a project, involve myself in the lives of others, and take an essay type test. I got that! I don't, however, have the ability to decide between A and B even when I know it isn't C and D. It has been an ongoing battle since my arrival in the halls of higher education.  

But, I refuse to be defined by the number and so I strive to accept that I will not look amazing on paper in those classes that require multiple choice testing; however, I will look like the stellar student in those courses that allow me to write and create and share my knowledge in a way that allows me to express myself and dialog about what I know. That feels good. So, I continue to press on and meet with professors hoping that they will get the one size fits all approach is a deadly weapon for not only me but for many of my peers.  

It is the round hole with the square peg type of problem or as we read last week "Wicked Problems." This is one of them. In my opinion, young men and women leave the halls of many universities due to the lack of encouragement and discouragement that comes with not performing at the required level. Is it because they can't or is it because the rubric is designed to measure all of us the same?  I would have to challenge the egocentric thinking of those in higher education and say, "it is broken; please fix it." 

Until the system is perfected and evolves to be one where success is measured by personal growth, love of learning and a variety of combined measuring instruments, I  am forced to live with the gap between my grades and my knowledge. I will, however,  not give up. Disregarding one of my professor's comments that "maybe you are not cut out for grad school," I continue to pursue the dream of getting my PHD. I know I can do it.  So, I press on and in spite of the discouragement I sometimes feel, I continue to apply myself.  I can only hope those individuals, who see my grad school application and hold my future dreams in their hands, will see beyond the current measuring stick and see me for what I can offer and bring to their program.  I choose optimism and enthusiasm. 

I also know I am not alone. I have talked to many of my peers who battle the same war of trying to find success in a system that doesn't meet their needs.  For some the multiple choice test is a relief over writing a paper or an essay and then for others, like me, the multiple choice test is a guillotine. Regardless of where you fit in, don't give up! Continue to pursue your goals and dreams!  More importantly, love the joy of learning.  Along the way, you encounter those teachers or  professors, like Jeffrey Wright, who inspire and encourage!   

Wasteland

The movie Wasteland captured my attention in many ways. I was completely caught off guard by the insurmountable amount of garbage/waste. My initial reaction was one of horror and pity for the people who were the "pickers."  As the movie continued and the story unfolded, my heart and reaction changed. The garbage picking was a way to survive and make a living in a respectable manner. It is hard to comprehend initially and yet, I was so encouraged to hear the "pickers" talk about the pride they had in doing this type of labor versus resorting to prostitution or selling drugs. Regardless of the way the job could have been demeaning, they had found this wonderful attitude and it was refreshing and encouraging!

 I am reminded, once again, of stereotypes and how quickly we make assumptions about people based on their conditions and without knowing the complete picture of a person's life.  It was easy for me to assume that they were miserable and deprived. They had so much joy and pride in the work they did. Wow! What a lesson in laying down judgement. It was also quite refreshing to see the work ethic they had. They took pride in doing a great job!  

I was also astounded by the beauty in the art that was created to depict the "pickers" lives. It also caught me off guard that something so incredibly dirty and ugly could be made beautiful. The reality of that in our lives is profound. It really does resonate that one man's trash is another man's treasure!  We should be looking within and beyond to find the beauty not only in our lives but also in the lives of others and our surroundings. How can we make something beautiful out of the trash that surrounds us?

I also thought about how this can translate for me in the project at Martin Middle School. I have these areas of concern for the people in the Holly Street Community but I need to not let my concerns, viewpoints or stereotypes interfere with seeing the community for something it isn't or assuming I know the lives of others and that they might be unhappy with the way their life has gone.  Quite honestly, I should assume the best rather than the worst.  It would be a mistake to think they are lacking or prefer life another way.  I need to interview and get to know individuals and make my concerns valid by knowing what they truly need and where their priorities lie. It would be easy to alienate them by assuming I know their lives.  By getting to know the kids, teachers, and community members, I have an opportunity to see the beauty that exists now and help create the beautiful picture that is to come.

I look forward to the  relationships I will build with the people of Martin Middle School and the Holly Street Community. I feel confident they have so much to teach me about the beauty in their lives!

Wicked Problems

As I ponder the idea of wicked problems, my thoughts of social justice and what I want for those less fortunate or those in dire need remains close to my heart. I have little experience in comprehending the true need of so many in our country and throughout the world.  I feel passionate about my role to help others; however,  on a large scale I have no idea what that is going to look like.

And so, I am forced to bring the idea of wicked problems into my own living area. It is an uncomfortable thought to share with my peers my own "wicked" problems. They seem so trivial in comparison to the hurts and struggles of others. But, in all honesty, they are real and big and sometimes larger than life for me. And then I am reminded of Brene Brown and her TED talks and her shouting vulnerability is a good thing even though we run from it.  In the name of vulnerability and humility, I gulp down the good, the bad, and the ugly.

 Over fifty percent of married couples get divorced. It can have a devastating effect on children and the economic stability of some men but mostly women. Most women of divorce end up in the lower socioeconomic status. This doesn't even begin to cover the emotional carnage left for friends, family and the partners themselves. You make a decision to marry and you believe it is for life. Most don't have a financial and emotional back up plan in place if things go awry.

Divorce. It is an ugly word. One I thought I would never encounter; however, 20+ years of marriage ended and although I am happily divorced, there are many obstacles and yes, wicked problems I have encountered. As a child of divorce, I knew some of the pain my children would endure due to their parents inability to work it out. I said our divorce would be different. We were going to remain friends, we would help each other in times of financial and emotional need, and we would, for the sake of our children, do this right.  After what I considered careful planning and orchestration, the divorce became real.  No matter how well I planned, I couldn't plan for all we would endure.

After five years of being single and reading the Dilemmas in a General Theory of Planning article, I found so much can be applied to our personal lives:  solutions are hard to achieve, there is no trial and error, today's solution may exacerbate tomorrows problem, the problem can be unique to me, and there is no rule that is going to work to resolve every problem. As sensitive and careful as I try to be toward, my children,  my children's father  and other members of the family, financial devastation happens, people are hurt and disappointed, and you cannot determine the reaction or pain of those around you. There is no careful planning to have the perfect outcome.

Regardless, life goes on and you develop a basic road map for your journey, the best you can do at the time, and you also regroup and make another and yet another. Flexibility...the key to survival.  What does that look like in my life?

My father had this saying: "how do you eat a whale?"  "One bite at a time!"  It is my go to when the whales in my life become greater than life itself.  After generally freaking out, this is how I cope with the whales:

*  Break it down in to manageable pieces. What can I do today? What am I unable to do?
*  Talk to two of my closest friends; seek counsel and advice from them.
*  Rely on my faith!
*  Recount past problems and realize answers have come.
*  Remind myself that things generally look worse at the onset.    

Life will always have a rocky path. That will never change. Changing the way we view the path often is the largest obstacle.

Despite the pain my daughters feel over being children of divorce, they get it. Several years ago they gave me this mug. I cherish it.  In spite of their own heartache, they recognize my happiness.

Derailment

After listening to Dr. Gerstenblatt talk about her delayed flight experience and the people she encountered, I have thought all week about my own personal derailments and how I am not often willing to look at them as growth but more as unwanted experiences. I had to ask myself if I was willing to learn and grow from many of the unexpected events in my life,   would I be willing to engage with others in the midst of my frustrations.  I found it quite interesting as she talked about her conversations with people in the airport and the connections that were formed because of a shared experience or a common interest.

Sometimes we have daily derailments and other times we may go weeks without bumps in the road. I have tried to live this week with the intention of being more aware of those minor or major interruptions to my well planned day/week.

This is what I learned  and who I encountered this week from events that occurred that I had not expected and/or planned:

• Waiting to meet the realtor @ my boss's home, I had a chance to talk to the housekeeper at length and learn about her family, her new granddaughter, and her culture.

• Offering to take a friend to the airport @ 5:45 am even though I would have preferred to sleep, gave me the opportunity to hear a message on the radio regarding  trusting ourselves and our circumstances.  A much needed, timely and affirming piece!

• While housesitting for my neighbors, I had an unexpected and not necessarily welcomed interruption by their daughter which gave me insight into the organ donor program she works with.  A fascinating, interesting and rewarding career and one I knew so little about.

I don't necessarily know how these interruptions/derailments will impact me in the future but what I learned is that if I will just stop and breathe and allow those minor and/or major interruptions, that truly annoy me,  to impact me,  then I can grow and gain insight into peoples lives.  I truly desire to be that person who welcomes life's interruptions versus the one who is irritated beyond belief. 

Which also led me to consider how can I apply this to my work at Holly Street and Martin Middle School?  I can have a list of items to accomplish and goals to achieve; however, I have to be sensitive to those around me and their plans.  I need to be flexible and look at the bigger picture and hope I will see the individuals involved and how I can be a conduit for change in their lives or possibly just a listening ear. My motto: Embrace derailment!

I cannot wait to see how this all develops in the work @ Martin Middle School!

Reflection

Spring Break has been a time of reflection for me as I look ahead to the next two months of classes, papers, and tests. A time to assess where I have succeeded and where I am falling short. Unfortunately the "grade" is not always indicative of the learning or knowledge; however, how else does one measure knowledge gained in this world of academia if it isn't through a "grade." 

As a student it can be discouraging to feel you have knowledge and understanding of the material and yet you fall short of the grade required. I loved the article on Reflection and Articulated Learning. During this week of reflection and trying to get caught up and possibly ahead, I found it to be a great source of encouragement not only in our project work but  also in my other classes. I looked at what I have gained in knowledge from my struggles and from my successes and how I could apply this concept of articulated learning into my everyday life.   

What did I learn?  When I am feeling discouraged about the grade in a class and the fact that it is not a reflection of my true knowledge, I can remind myself what I have learned and what is more important.

How specifically did I learn it?  What are my strengths in studying and gaining insight and knowledge? How can I apply service learning to my other courses and is that possible?

Why does this learning matter?  Knowledge is valuable to me and I believe as we learn and grow through our failures and successes, we become more sensitive and aware of those around us. We are wiling, hopefully, to share our lives with others. 

In what ways will I use this learning or what goals shall I set in place with what I have learned in order to improve myself, the quality of my learning or the quality of my future experiences?

I have this hope that through Project and my involvement with Holly Street that I will be a kinder, more sensitive person who is able to listen and try to understand others and their needs.  I am very excited about the opportunity to grow as an individual through my work at Martin Middle School.  I  am also enjoying the attitude to be able to take a risk and jump into the unknown and begin to recognize therein lies the power to succeed. 

Inspiration for Your Day: "If you aren't willing to try everything and make a mistake then you'll never make anything of yourself." - Sir Richard Branson

Risk

Today is International Women's Day and I have included a link from Maria Shriver. It is about women but it applies to all of us.  Let's each live to our potential!

http://mariashriver.com/blog/2013/03/every-woman-is-divine-film-jesse-dylan-maria-shriver-international-womens-day

This week has been one of great reflection in part due to a series of events in my personal life where I have taken and not taken risk. I have had several frustrations/errors in the academic environment  due to my own inabilities and multitasking when I should have been focused.  This reminded me of Dr. Gerstenblatt's comment on Monday about being present in the moment. How often are we disconnected from the moment and when that happens we make mistakes and yes, that can leave us feeling vulnerable. When I want to admit defeat and yet my greater survival instincts check in and says NO FIGHT!

And yes, I still feel vulnerable because my inadequacies are revealed and I have to sit with a professor and say...I feel defeated because I don't understand or I didn't submit something correctly and so that feels painful to have to say I am capable but incapable. And yes, I learn from those painful mistakes and they are lessons that I can vividly remember and grow from.

All of this also led me to then start thinking about Brene Brown's TED talk which if you have not ever heard it, you should or if you have, listen again. I have attached it. The willingness to do something that may or may not turn out. Being vulnerable. Living wholeheartedly. How does this message apply to my life personally, academically and globally. How will I be more vulnerable in my work at Martin Middle School? All I can say is I hope I will be and that my vulnerability will bring the connection that we long for as human beings and lives will be changed for the better.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
 

Relational Learning

Flexibility is characterized by a ready capability to adapt to new, different, or changing requirements.

My friend and I have this saying:  I am flexible except when I am rigid! Am I the only person this rings true for?

Service learning is truly about being flexible and casting our rigidity to the wind. I wonder if you can have a service learning experience without being flexible? I tend to be goal oriented and I love making lists and accomplishing them or working on a project and seeing it come to fruition.  So, the process of beginning a project with Holly Street/Martin Middle School is a true test of my flexibility. First, I have never done an oral history project.  Second, I love learning but I also like having some idea about what I am doing. Third, I feel rather excited that I am part of a groundbreaking team for something this community wants.  Intertwined with all of these unknowns is fear and excitement. 

A mixture of emotions and goals forced me to consider the optimum goal. Yes, the ultimate goal is a completed oral history project.  It is unrealistic to expect that the school will have a completed/finished project by the time this semester is over. But the optimum goal is for this community to have what they want and in order for that to happen, I have to look at my role. My part will consist of being hands, feet, and ears to these people and a voice when they need encouragement or when my opinion is asked. This is not my project but an extension of  
service learning and more importantly relational learning.

If my focus is on building a relationship with this community, I am then able to put aside my own goals of getting something accomplished for class.  I took another look at the article  Shifting Service-Learning From Transactional to Relational.   By making long term relationships with the people of this community a  priority, the experience that I and others have will be far more beneficial.

It is also a huge relief to be in a learning environment where risk is rewarded. This is certainly a risk taking experience for me when it comes to producing a project of community history; however, the weight is not on my shoulders.  I feel confident that between our group from class and the Martin Street Middle School staff, we will not only develop long lasting relationships and partnerships but also within the next two years have helped them produce a variety of completed oral history stories. 

Excitement overrides fear as I spend time with the staff at Martin Middle School. We have a common goal and that alone is enough!

Blessed Beyond Belief

This pretty much sums up how I felt yesterday prior to arriving at Dove Springs Recreation Center but most certainly how I felt when I left. I came home with a sense of anticipation and great hope for the families and children who make up the community of Dove Springs.

My drive to Dove Springs consisted of idle chatter between me and myself... a long conversation about being open to whatever the experience held and to also not make assumptions and hopefully, not have any made about me. I truly wanted to experience the community with fresh eyes and see the beauty in all that was important to the people of Dove Springs.

The start of a chilly morning gave way to warmth and greetings from community members, city council members, Texas Exes, and the ever popular Vince Young. Every speaker had a message from "this is what I learned serving a community" to "what is your purpose?"

I was particularly moved by Austin city councilwoman Kathi Tovo's account of her experience with service learning. She recounted the story of being a grad student @ UT and her mother had recently died.  Acknowledging she was in a difficult emotional place in her life, she began to search for something and asked herself what her mother would have wanted her to do. She found the response to be to get involved in the lives of others. So, she became a mentor to several young girl scouts. Her conclusion: she got far more from that group of girls than they got from her. We truly receive more than what we give.

And I wondered how Project and the input of others would change the lives of these young girls for the better?  I wondered also how the impact of college students could change these children's  lives?  Do they dream of college?  Do they hope and dream for things many of us take for granted?

Talking to a group of students who were painting, I discovered they were from St. Edwards and UT. Hilltoppers and Longhorns working side by side for the good of the community. And they were having a great time and eagerly shared with me their enthusiasm for helping the community and their commitment to service learning. It was so fun to see the passion these young men and women had for others.

As I sat in the community center editing photos for Facebook, I was privy to watch families come and go, community recreation center employees and a variety of volunteers. Amazingly everything out of each person's mouth was positive and uplifting and encouraging. No small feat to say the least! The gratitude I heard in people's voices as they talked about the way Project had impacted Dove Springs.

 The sweetest part of the day? The recreation center's custodian. He was a gentle, kind soul who had this servant's heart and wanted everyone to be happy and have what they need.  I absolutely adored him! 

#blessedbeyondbelief

Building Effective Relationships

In light of Valentine's Day and all that it means or doesn't mean for each of us, I thought it appropriate to look at relationships. And our readings  for this course revolve around building relationships with the people within the community.

Relationships require an investment of desire, time and commitment. Some of us are better than others at building and maintaining a network of friends, family, coworkers and colleagues. They also require patience. It can be frustrating when we try to accomplish something in our own way and time and see other's views or ideas as an obstacle to the goal.  I think of the saying "all roads lead to nowhere." By not allowing others to have input into a project or goal, I have lost sight of the true meaning of my service.  The project may be complete but the relationships are annihilated.

I attended  a community meeting @ Martin Middle School this week. As I watched a very unique and diverse group of faculty, police, parents and community members, I sat in awe at the amount of respect they had for each other and their opinions. Each person listened intently and allowed others the right to speak about their concerns, dreams, and goals for the schools and the neighborhood of Holly Street. They came together working toward a common goal...the belief that improvement in the school and neighborhood was essential.

I, being the outsider, recognize that these people live in community and understand each other and have probably worked toward building relationships.  I also found the people of Holly Street to be encouraging and warm and engaging and inviting me, the foreigner, to step inside the halls of Martin Middle School and build relationships. It excites me to see the desire they have to provide an environment that will allow students to be the best they can be.  I look forward to being a part of something that hopefully will continue in the years to come.  Moreover, I am thankful for the opportunity I have to learn from a culture that is drastically different from my own.

Service Learning

 I saw this on a friends facebook post today and it really made me think about how we view ourselves externally. But what does it take for us to take a deeper look internally? Are we willing to look at our egocentric thinking, our stereotypes and fears and misconceptions?  I thought about the CRAFT model and how each service learning project taught the participants as much about themselves as about others.



As a result of reading the article Voices from the Community: A Case for Service Learning, I was prompted to consider fear, stereotypes, cliques in the context of a learning project.

I am sure each of us has been the recipient of the damage of a stereotype or a clique. Not feeling understood or included...a tough place to be. We want to be liked, understood and supported.  And possibly we, like Paula shared last week in class, are misjudged by the car we drive or don't drive, the neighborhood we live in or don't live in and the list goes on. OR quite possibly you have judged others in the same way and been exclusive in your friendships and not letting people who are different have influence in your life. I wonder what I missed over a greater portion of my life by having friends who were "like me."  And how that limits growth.

I firmly believe fear is a place that cripples and prevents us from being all we are created to be. Often times we are fearful of people who are different, new places, new experiences and a language we don't understand. So, instead of conquering the fear, we stay in our safe comfort zone and never venture out to be influenced by others. And sometimes we venture out but in our fear and immaturity, we hang out with our peers and neglect to connect with the culture or the people. This leads to the idea of being in a clique and therefore, we have reinforced the stereotypes of others. Is it a slippery slope?

I ponder all of this as I step out of my comfort zone to enter the community of Dove Springs. Will I be mindful to connect with the people and allow them to see that quite possibly we aren't that different. Will I be perceived as a person who is willing to listen to needs/desires and embrace the wisdom and knowledge and experience within the community?

I have to also consider the obstacle of fear as I  begin an oral history project for Holly Street. Something completely off the grid than anything I have ever done.  Not only will I be doing an oral project but I will also be encountering a culture that I have not had the privilege to be exposed to.

Moreover, I have to be willing to engage with the people of Holly Street and allow them to see me as an individual who wants to participate in their desires and hopes. I may not be able to to break down the wall of cliques and stereotypes and the negatives that can be associated with a service learning project but I can make an effort to do my part by being aware of my stereotypes and actions and how they can negatively affect others.

The "Collective Me"

Who am I in terms of my social self?

One of my priorities for the last 20+ years has been the role of mother. Although my children are less needy in terms of parenting, I am still their mother. I often see the world through my eyes as a mother. I see children who need a mother or parent to nurture them and teach them. 

I am also a student and in many ways my children are my peers but also being a student brings diversity to my life which I love and I also enjoy football and especially college ball and of course, the Longhorns! Being a student is also reflective of my love of learning and reading. I believe books are a way to open up the world to us and even if we can't travel or experience certain places or events, we can imagine and gain insight through the written word.

My faith is important to me also. It is my guide for how I choose to live my life - values and principles. Hopefully showing love and compassion to those around me.

I also love sports!  I enjoy watching tennis but I love playing the game. It is social and also brings diversity to my life as I encounter people from all walks of life on the court.







I love shoes...court shoes, running shoes, heels and flats. They are a way of expressing who you are and how you are feeling or what you are involved in. Looking in a person's closet at their shoes can reveal their lifestyle and show you personality!